justrun-.

i should really be doing more productive things.

ah damnit endorphins are wearing off. now i feel very angsty and depressed. hate it when i'm like this. and i really should not be blogging about it because it's not good to blog about private emotions such as these. but i am very tired of this and the only thing keeping me going is the thought that after this is all over, i will be free to spend time doing things i enjoy- like training! yes...and probably also learn about how to be a more sociable person. sianying promises to educate me... going out to things like movies and going "towning" or whatever else normal teenagers do (all of which are very foreign to me btw. have never gone out..not since p6 and that one incident in s2 which should be forgotten)

life is an apple crumble. trying to eat it just makes the whole darn thing crumble. into a million pieces. now i feel like i'm smashing my hand into a mirror. all this angst. can't possibly be healthy can it? feel so stupid. so intellectually disabled. i hate how i canNOT work under the pressure of having a time constraint. it just kills me. and my GPA.

school's a bitch. life's a rotten apple crumble. i hate this. it's 10:03pm and i am not doing my homework. sigh. grah btw i screwed up english. i swear i am actually a retard. maybe i have an intellectual disorder which results in me having a very low IQ.

i have so many psychological demons in my head. wish i could kill them with cyanide or with carbon monoxide or i don't know what.

why do people keep on walking in and out of my life. by the time you realise they are gone, it's too late. it's always too late... and i end up feeling so guilty and like i didn't treasure them like i should have. now i'm having memories of sec2. but maybe depression is good cos in sec2 i lost weight from all the stress. that is rare cos i usually put on weight due to stress bingeing.

attempts to lose weight are really very futile i don't know why. my MR is quite screwed up i think. eat less burn more doesn't seem to work.

AGH I CANNOT TAKE THIS :( oh god RP is so ... ugh. i mean we have teachers that pon our lessons. altho i must admit that the free block was enjoyable. making a hell lot of noise in the corridor with people you love. speaking of which, looks like this is the last week of classroom lessons with 410. sigh. i love our class. i love most of our teachers. and i am really quite disturbed about me not handing in my math assignment and getting scolded for it. i had a squeaky clean record. and i just had to ruin in. this LAST assignment. i just HAD to didn't i.

OKAY THIS IS A REALLY RANTY STUPID POST AND ANYONE WHO HAS READ UNTIL HERE should just dismiss everything i have talked about. i don't sound myself anymore. i think i should go sit in a corner and cry now. bye world.

[pat]* decided to runaway-.

put on her shoes at [22:02]

and took [20060816] strides

it's the passion that drives you